forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
