i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
