dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
They took my balls.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
