Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
