3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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