I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't deserve a penis
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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