wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Small penises have feelings too.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
