Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
