My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
