Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
