After last night, I could never be a politician.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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