Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
