Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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