What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize