guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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