I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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