3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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