he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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