I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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