saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize