butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
