my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
