I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
