Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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