just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
