i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
