There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
