I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
