I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
