I bet he comes in French.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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