Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We had sex on a dog bed..
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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