So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
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I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
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Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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