I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
