My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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