What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
