3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So here I am, sexting at work.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
