so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
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You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
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Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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