i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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