More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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