its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
