Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
