I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
