I wish I could punch you in the face.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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