We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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