I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
