Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
