dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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