1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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