I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
