She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
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Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
my liver is dry heaving
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