capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
