"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
