if i died would you start the facebook group?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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