My friends, they love my intelligence
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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