i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
