Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
