The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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