dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
