I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
