grandma shit on top of the toilet
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
