Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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