I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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