dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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