drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
