East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
