i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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