just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Randomize
