you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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