I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There r osticjed everywhere
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
