It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
