I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
