I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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