lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
