I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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