you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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