So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
