k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
