I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
