I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
