how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
