I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
