Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
