i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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