All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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