Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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