We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
