We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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