16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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