I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
